My daughter and her husband are separated at the moment, because his work has taken him half a world away. She and their boys will be joining him at the end of the school term, which is three months away. She was telling me he is very lonely and hates it. He doesn’t know anyone in a strange country and is living in a rented apartment and eating meals in a restaurant. Meanwhile, she’s back in Canada trying to manage three boys and a big house and school and hockey practices and would kill for a restaurant meal. We wondered together why men can’t be alone.
My father (may he rest in peace) married the first woman to cross his path after my mother passed away. I know he was panicked at the thought of having to spend weeks, let alone years, alone. My sister’s husband complains when she comes to visit because it means he’ll be alone for 7 days. My ex-husband is still living with a woman who doesn’t make him happy because, in his words, “What are my options?” He used to not want to be alone — come to think of it, I should have recognized the early signs of dissatisfaction when he didn’t complain about being left alone.
Women, on the other hand, crave ”alone” time. My daughter can only dream about being lonely, like her husband is lonely. Her 18 month old is attached to her thigh like velcro. She goes from 6:30 am until 8:30 pm in the service of her children. When finally her “alone” time comes, she falls into bed exhausted. Married women my age — with retired husbands — celebrate their husbands’ lunch dates, golf dates, doctor appointments. It means they are out of the house, creating “alone” time for their wives. This isn’t a story told by the occasional woman — this is across the board!
So here’s my question, ladies (and any men who care to respond). Why can’t men be alone?
1 response so far ↓
Swara Mate // March 7, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Oh Latelifesingle, the red cape you wield is definitely having the desired effect on this bull.
First, I did a Google search on why can’t men be alone. Guess what the very first search result was?
AskMen.com – Women who can’t be aloneWomen who can’t be alone- Women who are never single.
After 3 pages, I didn’t find a sinlge match to my question and came to the conclusion that men don’t want to talk about why they can’t be alone on top of not being able to be alone. Did that make sense?
After my husband left for what he perceived as greener pastures, I deliberately took introspective time to get to know me. Had I rushed headlong into a relationship to ward off the loneliness I am sure I would have been unhappy. And that really would have been the tail wagging the dog afterall.
This may bring me closer to a point then an emotional tirade. Looking in can be very humbling and difficult. Learning to love everything about yourself, warts and all and become your own best friend is one of the most onerous things I have done but also the most rewarding.
Honestly, I think there are precious few people in this world who really want to take responsibility for their own happiness as it is so appealing to default to “I’m getting screwed” or “its not my fault”.
Where is this going you ask? I think men will always have the “Mamma will fix” thing going on, especially when hurricanes swirl around them.
But what do women grow up to be? One way or another – Mothers. By our very nature we have a stronger constitution and an innate ability to handle things when they go sideways.
Enough said for now. I will return to enjoying my solitary life.